Thursday, 7 August 2014

When i lost my dream..

Dreams are the nicest thing in a person's life, i believe. They are the sole reason people move on; to fulfill their dream. People say destiny makes us do things, but i say its our dream which fuels our journey. As i child, my dream was to go on a world tour with my mum and buy all the things she desires. Pretty stupid if i say so myself! But this dream is the reason why i'm here. After her death, I lost that dream. I had nothing to follow and so i was stuck doing 'nothing'. Nothing was interesting. It was like i had nothing, as if my life was just passing by with me doing 'nothing'. I know i'm using the word 'nothing' a lot but that word exactly describes how i felt. I read somewhere, "Don't tie your dreams to people" and i did but i don't/won't regret it. It was precious to me. It was my motivation to go on for so many years.
I believe every person had felt 'nothing' atleast once and to be honest, it is the worst period of your life. For me it was. I don't know how you people dealt with it but for me it consisted of 4 stages:

  1. In the first stage, all i did was sleep and eat. And that's it. I stopped going outside, never meeting anyone, never even smiling (I am a smile-y person, mind you). I even skipped college. I was cut-off from everything and everyone. Period. I stopped caring about anything altogether. Even when my family approached me for this matter, i reacted harshly. I wouldn't accept that there was something wrong with me.
  2. The next stage was me accepting i lost my hope, aspirations along with my dreams. Maybe you will think its exaggeration. I don't know what it was, but combining it with losing mum, it was awful. I started goofing around. It wasn't forced but it wasn't me either, as if i was empty inside. It was like i was looking at someone else. In this stage, i actually started to think nothing mattered. Nothing matters is different than not caring. Personally, I think it is the worst of all the stages.
  3. Then, i thought about 'finding' a dream so as to not feel 'empty'. It was a stupid thought. No-one finds a dream (-_-) Dreams come to you suddenly. Looking back, now i know it was stupid but hey, i was desperate. I tried so many different things. Multimedia, poems, drawing, even studying for God's sake. I was that desperate.
  4. I found something. It started small but ignited a spark within me. I don't know where my destiny lies but i do know my dreams now. And this is the fourth stage.
I love to sew. There, i said it. You may think 'What the hell' or 'That's so plain'. But it makes me happy. I can't imagine myself not sewing or making something. And this is what i want to keep doing.
As Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam said, "Dream is not that you see in sleep, dream is which does not let you sleep."
So, find something that doesn't let you 'sleep'. By that, i mean, find something for which you want to work hard and that is your dream. My dreams make me who i am. I want to make my own boutique which is appreciated by people. I will do whatever it takes to do so! I will keep getting better. To track my work progress, i am keeping a blog. Its fun. I am enjoying myself :)
Thanks for reading :)


P.S.: If you want to look at my other blog, well here's the link:

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